A whole week!!

Bloody 'ell, you can tell my bloke has been off work as I've just realised I ain't blogged for a whole week! Hmm, most of the week has been spent on housey stuff as we're having new flooring in hallway and stairs and apparently everything in the whole freaking house needed painting before stuff arrives. Capoeira Kid had a birthday which was a bit low key due to party being next weekend ( hopefully...) and then CK also decided to get the chicken spox - bloody 14 yrs old and with spox! Would you adam n eve it??? Here's hoping the spox are all scabbed over and she ain't contagious by the time part central arrives.

Bloke is fine, we are actually getting along now that he is home for more than a nano second, one might even say there was love in the air!!!

Stealth - is fine but tad nervous bout getting the spox.

Also for a joint birthday pressie we got them a Wii which has gone down well.

Mmm - lame blog with no funny undertones and crap writing. Sorry guys....

Round-up

So, what's been happening this week in crazy Crapsville??? Counting down work shirts til my beloveds fortnight off from work... Do americans say fortnight or do they have another word for 2 weekly?? Working out if I'm actually friends with a person who I really like or if I'm just a tax deductible, ordered some chocs *sigh* , started going back to acupuncture due to my anxiety levels slowly rising, paid some bills blah, blah. God I am sooo boring and lame and more boring.

In my fantasy land I spent a couple of mornings slurping latte's whilst wandering round museums before heading off to a lively brunch with friends *to whom I'm not tax deductible*, created some stunning pieces of journaling and art, made at least 3 contributions to world history and solved some difficult scientific problems for NASA..

The second one makes me sound much more impressive.

So does this person like me too?? Grrrr, I just happen to want to be around Len a lot at the mo, I enjoy their company and they seem to enjoy mine and I think we were probably Bob Hope and Bing Crosby in a former life on the Road to Rio. I just want to sit and listen to this person chat cos I think it's restoring my faith in human nature. Grr, don't know whether to wrestle or kiss this person.

Men, how to please a woman

MEN!! How To Please A Woman


It's not difficult to please a woman.

A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, HE MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little himself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes



HOW TO PLEASE A MAN:

1. Show up naked.
2. Bring food and Beer.

Stoopid Tuesday

Ah, I think that coming off my meds is not an easy choice, an easy choice would be going back on them. Am feeling blah but the tears, god I can cry for crapsville and any neighbouring counties... Really. I got up this morning and went downstairs and within minutes I was in tears, not gently rolly down your face ones but huge, sobbing, face looking like a screwed up garbage can kinda crying. Is this the anxiety coming back?? Stumped if I know.
Hmmm not happy about these developements. I wish you would tell me whether to stick it out or go back on the meds.. grrr
Most of being off them is brill, but a few things are back and its unnerving. Help.

Ooo er missis

Well, kinky as it sounds I have been branded a blog skimmer. Tbh it's a fairly accurate way of describing my blog reading capacities!!
But its just sounds soo filthy and I am really pleased with it... I'm a filthy, naughty blog skimmer now spank me baby!

Texting

Hmm, texting loads today, to my bloke, CK, bestest friend and also to Len

Did some more work on Tanks birthday gift and to say it's the 1st time I've worked on canvas it's going ok.

Watched So I married An Axe Murderer and laughed so hard a little bit of wee came out. I think if I wasn't married to my bloke Mike Myers might be in with a chance.

Hoo ha

Hmm, today I will have been married in the eyes of all things Hindu for 15 yrs. Wow. That's a long time innit?? I'm sure most people of my age were off chasing the world when they were 20 but all I wanted to do was marry the bloke my heart belonged (still does..) to.
We have had a lot of ups with considerably more downs but hoo ha we are still here which I think is a testament to just how british he is and how indian I am lol! Remember I'm the white one and he's the asian..

Capoeira kid has gone off to park to meet up with girly friends to do some dancing and Stealth is sat in living room watching tv in his p jimmies. I wonder what the day is going to bring?

Boo hiss

So I started the day well, every intention of me and capoeira kid not butting heads today but by 1pm that was it - like some Calamity Jane song, heads butt away heads butt away heads butt away... And d'ya know what?? I haven't gotta clue what it was about,all I know is I was cleaning the cooker and CK was in the kitchen and then metaphorically speaking we were hurtling towards each other at warp speed ready to butt noggings. Ahhh I could freaking scream.
So no doubt I'll be on CK's blog tomorrow as the worst possible mother...

If I could I would be on a plane to Canada right now.

10 things you don't know about me

1. I'd lurve for the entire world to call me Jobee but I think it sounds too babyish.
2. People watching is one of my very favourite hobbies - it's bloody brilliant and if you know your body language then it can be veeeery interesting!!
3. My inside image doesn't match my outside one - I SHOULD be skinny with long gorgeous chocolatey coloured hair who catches the eye of everyone I meet regardless of age, race or sex. I AM sorta average, fat and invisible!
4.If I walk under a street sign I am convinced it is going to drop on me, slicing me in half Final Destination style *shudder*.
5.When people text me it makes me feel super special like I've got a secret buddy that no one knows about.
6. I wish I had enough guts/ weight loss to do Iaido instead of just dreaming about it.
7. I've conditioned myself to fall asleep to Scooby doo movies, not stoopid Freddie Prinze Jnr tat but good ol' fashioned animated Scoobs. So every night I stick a dvd on and approach sleepy nod off land whilst listening to Shaggy ( oo er missis)
8. I wish I still smoked cos then I wouldn't be so fat.
9. My memory skills should have a movie made about them or at least a small village named after them as I have a near photographic memory and with a bit o' work it'd probably definitely be photographic but I'm too lazy with the work bit....
10.I'm always getting crushes on people I know cos I want to have their looks/skills/talents/bank balances/confidence.

Forgot to mention..

Can't stop thinking about cake!!

Long, long time

It's been nearly 19 yrs since I met him, 14 of those have been "with sprogs". 5 yrs as a couple just doesn't seem enough somehow?? I want to be thin and gorgeous and tempt him upstairs at the end of a long day by fluttering my eyelashes and dropping random items of clothes on the stairs whilst giggling like a naughty schoolgirl...

We should be travelling the world having loads of wonderful, daring experiences involving yaks and close encounters with local tribes as we skinny dip (remember I'd be thin obviously) in some beautiful tropical waters.

Instead, we have facebook fandango's ( see previous posts..) and conversations about schooling and what's for dinner.

FFS I am only 35. 30 bloody 5!!!!!

FREAKING CRAZY if you ask me. Please sir, can i have some excitement please.....