Yee ha!!!

It's finally here- Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, joyous greetings to your midwinter festival!!!
I hope you all have a wonderful time sharing space, time and love with your loved ones.

Haiku Monday 'n stuff

The Solstice morning
Sun arose late from darkness
Deep midwinter light




So, newness??? CK had some colour in her hair, it looks like an electric turquoise yet should've been vivid blue. Reason why - having lovely black asian hair, the bleaching process just wouldn't take. So instead of a white blonde all ready to dye it was a nice yellow blonde. Blue dye on yellow blonde = turquoisey colour.





Friday night was show night for CK and Stealth, I went along to watch and as usual it was awesome. They have a wonderful youth theatre and always work really hard on any productions they do. It was a montage of lots of dancing and show tunes... Fame, Me and my girl, Les Mis to name but a few. As carnelian dude was at work I had to go alone and felt really nobby no mates as there were only 3 seats left empty in the auditorium and yes - they were next to little ol' lonesome me..at the interval I could almost feel a panic attack descending so with quick thinking and a pocket full of change I went to the bar and downed a bottle of cider and hey presto - panic attack averted!!! Not something I'd normally do, self medicate with alcohol but last thing I needed surrounded by 300 people was to dissolve into a gibbering wreck! lol.

Saturday night we went out for an indian meal with the adults from the martial arts club that CK goes to. No comment except interesting. As there were a lot parents there it was just like being in the playground at school with lots of cliques - I cannot abide playground mums with their keeping up with the jones' attitudes and bitchiness.


And now Christmas week is here. Gifts are wrapped, turkey is bought and I have a little twinkle in my eye that probably means trifle...

Love, light and peace guys, love light and peace. xx

Stealth and the pirate

Here is a picture of Stealth and the Pirate dog. She is a proper pirate, what with the pillaging and general rudeness associated with most pirates. She is cute but drives me to distraction and I cannot wait til New Year when her and our other pooch are off to stay in kennels for a week while we traipse about visiting ungrateful people who we/ they don't want to see....
Families- who'd have 'em.



Sooo not my house....
Yule/Christmas shopping is done and things are wrapped, which is always a plus considering I am mostly intellectually challenged at this time of year. Bring it on I say - at least my bloke might make an appearance - and no, he's not Father Christmas, he works for a global distribution company, so we wave good bye to him on 1st of Dec and expect him home sometime on Christmas eve. Hang on a minute.... maybe he is Santa!!! Indian Santa...

Haiku Monday, a day late....

Magic in my house
Does not sap my energy
Calm and feeling safe

Ooops, there goes November..

So, it's been a while eh? I'd love to give some reasonable excuse to why I haven't blogged for so long - like maybe I was tending to the sick and injured in a war torn country or running round the country handing out scarves and gloves to old grannies. I wasn't. I have been tres lazy where the computer is concerned. I have looked at it as I dash past it towards the kitchen or the garden and seen it with it's little blue light just staring at me but I cast it aside for the more mundane tasks such as life, dog training and chocolate.

But I iz back now.

So, not much happening really, life goes on doesn't it, even if you don't want it to and you're left chasing it like in an old black and white movie when the heroine is on the train and the hero is chasing down the platform after said train shouting "but dahling when will I see you again."

I think my life is less dramatic yet with undertones of Bing Crosby and Bob Hope On the Road to Morrocco..

Today I am going to deliver Yule cards to the friends and neighbours on my street, they will all think they are Christmas cards but that is part of my cunning plan of Yule cards cleverly disguised as Christmas cards!! Then no one need know that I am treading a different path to them all and will be sat lighting candles and drawing energy from the moon tonight. Ah, bless - blow a little kiss to our little mother, the moon - she always appreciates it.

I had a bit of a wobble over the weekend when I learnt friends of ours were buying their kids some extravagant gifts for Christmas. For a whole 24 hrs I was distraught at the fact that maybe I was a terrible Mother for not spending like a kagillion pounds on CK and Stealth for Yule/Christmas. But then my lovely husband spent some time reminding me that I am near as damn it a hippie at heart and spending to excess on materialistic things just isn't like me and that hey what are those guys going to top this yrs presents with??
He was right. I had a keeping up with the Jones's moment and it really threw me as I am not subject to those very often, if infact at all...
As a family we are well known for being ourselves and loving and nurturing who we are.

Jones's mo over with, phew....

Besides, all CK really wants is some fluffy black boot covers....


Love, light and peace to all as I think we all deserve it during these cold,dark winter months.

Vehicular day.

We've had a crazy day with several vehicular mishaps.... the first one was when Stealth and myself were taking the dogs up to the park, a crazy guy in a car reversed onto the pavement where me 'n Stealth and our 2 pooches were stood - STATIONARY I might add and just didn't stop even though we were stood there. This resulted in the back of the car being in contact with me and me banging on the back of stoopid crazy guys car yelling hey, hey,hey watchit....


Two more incidents actually in the park involving tractors! Then just to round the trip off, we were stood waiting at the crossing for the green man to come on so we could cross the road safely... When said man appeared on the traffic lights in his customary green shade Stealth steps off kerb into rd ( keep in mind he has an autistic disorder and sees things very black and white - green man means safe to cross...) all of a sudden a police car all blues and two's comes screaming up so I have to physically man handle Stealth back from the brink and wait for sodding man to turn green - again.

Crazy, crazy.

Stealth was none too happy let me tell ya!

Now we have fireworks as today is Nov 5th - bonfire night. We are celebrating a failed terrorist plot against our government. Yet more with the crazies eh??

Anyhoo, my dog Litha is very scared of the noisy, whirly, whizzy, bang bangs that are todays fireworks and is following me around with tail firmly between her legs. So I made some buns, to cheer her up, well - I get to eat them which makes me happy and in turn this means I'll probably pay her more attention because of my jovial bun fuelled happiness.

Yesterday...

You know how I said yesterday that the stuff with A levels etc.. and CK was getting a bit much? heck, I am so worn out by it all now that bed for 17 hrs a day seems like a reasonable option!
I really can't explain how overwhelming it all is and the lack of any definitive answers about getting her on the course she wants just doesn't help. Me and the bloke aren't even on the same page anymore and will probably become very dangerous towards each other with cutlery soon.

Education soooo gets in the way of learning don't you think?

Plus side of today -- acupuncture. 1 whole hour to myself - bliss. Well that's a lie, I laid there for an hour trying to work out how to get CK onto her course. So in fact it wasn't bliss. I am clearly deluded and obsessional about the local college.

I think there is a name for persons like me.....

Soggy Sunday

It has been raining all day and then some!! We went to get CK some more paper for her to carry on painting which is always nice because it means she has got a whole pad of creativeness finished and is starting on the next one!!

We are still having mucho, biggo issues trying to find a way to get her into the local college at the same time as her peers to do her A levels/BTEC.
The rules have changed, so when we should have been able to get her in to do gcse's at yr 11 equivalent we are no longer able to and the farce that is ever present at the moment (which is "trying to get the college to bloody talk to us") is really grinding us down. Home educating has given us such lovely children, they are truly wonderful and everyone who meets them just falls under their spell but once you are out of the so called loop there ain't no way back into the system. The knowledge the kids have just doesn't count because they haven't got gcse's in it....

The local college just keeps saying "we can't do anything til she 16, bring her back then". This means she'll waste a yr sitting the gcse's she needs to get onto the art course that will lead to the degree that will lead to her chosen career as an art therapist. Previously she would've been able to do them over a year when she was 15 and then carry on as normal meaning uni at 18.

Also European funding has dried up so the gcse's will cost us big time, this is bad enough if you are over 16 but to do them at 15 is even more 'spensive. Grrrr, arghhhh.

I suppose in the scheme of things a year isn't the end of the world but at the mo it feels like it!

It is taking the emphasis of learning for both of them as our energy is directed at that brick wall that is known as the local education authority....

In fact it is quite hard to find anything positive to think about but hey ho, it'll all come out in the wash. Everything happens for a reason and if I lose sight of that then everything I've ever done or been through means nothing.

Sooo this is me, knowing that CK will get to where she's going, when and only when- she is ready.

Stealth --- different kettle o' fish!!!

Blessed Samhain

The time feels just right at the moment for Samhain, life an' stuff has been grinding us down of late and it feels like a bit of a weight has been lifted now that Samhain is passing by and I can let all of the troubles pass by with it.

Halloween night was really good as we initiated my 4 yr old fairy god daughter into the gentle art of trick or treat... She is a pro let me tell ya!! As always CK and Stealth had a fantastic time although I think the emphasis has shifted from getting as many sweets as possible to just enjoying the evening! Stealth will probably have much of his stash left even as December draws in. He is the only kid who loves going to the house who only gives out oranges as treats and then swaps with as many people as he can so he gets this little orangery of his own to munch upon!!

A family member is at present in Guatemala doing charity work, which seems to be suiting her I think. They are all getting ready for Day of the Dead celebrations which I am soooo envious of! It is a dream of mine to be in Mexico for this wonderful festival. I wonder if Latin Americans take this festival with them wherever they choose to call home or not?

So the air is getting crisper and the dark creeps up earlier and earlier in the day but do you know what... I love it, autumn is my most, very favourite time of year when nature shows off at her best and we so very definitely take second place in the world!!

Facebook

Why is it that facebook draws me in like a moth to a flame?? I mean lots of the people on my list are from school which was nigh on 20 yrs ago.... and let's face it we were only there for 5 yrs. I have zero in common with most of em and I hated school. Yet facebook draws me, it seductively whispers my name as soon as I get out of bed and then just to reassure itself of its hold on me it calls to me during the day and often the wee small hours of the morning. I am like some crack whore addict waiting around for my next fix..... Soooo sad.

Never ending stream of poop

Well, not poop - chicken pox actually, we have had 6 weeks worth of it in my beautiful fairy castle. 1st was CK followed closely by Stealth and bringing up the rear was yours truly. My drinker of a mother was sure I had it as a child as she remembers putting calamine on me for something..... I would love to be Jewish at the moment as they have a lot more words they can use when feeling increduloused ( if that's even a word?)

Otherwise not much is happening at the mo, same nightmare - different day!

Will be back in the swing of things soon.

Mum 2 Asperger's 1

So although my little guy (Stealth) is not so little - 12 actually! You'd be forgiven for thinking he's really about 8 or 9...that my friends is down to the aspergers. BUT after 5 yrs of doing the exact opposite of what every psych in town told us to do Stealth seems to be coming into his own a bit!! Woot and a woohoo!

He came up to me yesterday and said that he thinks he wants to be an engineer (I later worked out he meant civils) when he's older, now that might not mean anything to you guys but to me it is a huge - nay colossal step for him. Normally he is petrified of growing up, not just hm I wish I could stay 11 but screaming, crying, beating the floor and himself and trashing things petrified of getting any older.

Stealth, I salute ya! And also give myself a pat on the back cos my way of looking after the aspieness is working (so far.... cautiously optimistic Ma that I am)

Says it all really....

Says it all really, feel like I'm swimming against the tide at the mo. Must have Monday morning feeling on a Thursday evening!

Paper factory...

Have just checked through all my craft drawers and I am totally astounded by the amount of paper I have got... Not just a little bit o paper but seriously a freaking HUGE amount. I feel like I could open a branch of Paperchase... I have pinks,blues,reds,polka dot, candy stripes,black flocked,zebra AND tiger stripes and a fabulous lime green with sparkles. Cor I am a bit ocd when it comes to the paper buying. Hmm even as I type I can feel the lure of Hobbycraft calling me like the paper biatch I am.

At the mo we are having some work done around the house and I cannot believe where the plaster dust is getting, it's worse than sitting in the sand dunes and finding your knickers full even though you are wearing trousers and you're sat on a picnic blanket- and don't tell me you haven't been in that place before....


Stealth is just about over the spox, bless him. Actually I think he's enjoyed all the attention. The funniest thing about being slapped with the spox stick is that both kids got it 2 days after their birthdays and also according to blokes mum ( she's hard core Hindu of the old school variety and says things like according to our system you can't get engaged/married/break wind on *insert particular day you've got your heart set on* that day - ok the last one about farting is an exaggeration..) their system says you can only get chicken pox on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays and fook me but Ck got em on a Friday and Stealth on a Tuesday!!!! Her system rocks!!! The amount of times we have larffed about the things you can and cannot do on certain days because of this system and now I having this healthy respect for it creep all over my body. Go figure.

xx

Needles and Pins

So my acupuncture appointment came around pretty quick. I must admit I was a little nervous, butt action or no?? So, NOTHING this week. Absolutely no butt action... he massaged away like it didn't even exist.... like there was nothing joining the lovely curve of my back to the top of my legs. Hmm, I think I am a bit disappointed.

I have learned that the creative Andrew Thornton is a little bit wicked when it comes to Nutella, yet Just a Girl does not favour the choc spread. Go figure - a lady who doesn't get nutella. Mmmmm chocolatey goodness.

Stealth has gotten the chicken pox now that CK has finally gotten rid of 'em. Nice, sharing like good siblings.

CK's show is next week so we are all "am dram'd" up and awaiting Me and My Girl with baited breath.

As for me, I am trying to find me as I think I lost me about 3 weeks ago and I haven't painted,made,created or expressed myself since. Ho hum.

Nutella freaks

Right, well I have discovered (due to an innocent remark on facebook) that the total population of Crapsville are actually secret nutella freaks out to take over the kitchen one jar at a time.

All I said was " is it ok to eat nutella straight outta the jar and bypass the bread - that's gotta cut out some of the carbs right???" and I was deludged by comments on appropriate eating styles for said chocolatey spread.. And not one of 'em said anything about incorporating it into kinky sex time. Shame on them.

Apparently everyone does it - eats it with a spoon I mean. We are all dirty crack Nutella whores.

I feel like a good spanking now. Nutella anyone????

Weird weekend

Right weird weekend, Saturday I was bored shitless- and really fooked off with the house. Sunday was Stealths birthday and for some reason unknown he wanted to go to Subway for lunch. I mean Subway - come on... would you choose the sandwich shop for your birthday lunch??? And it cost an arm and a leg literally. But never mind, his weird ass choice.

Then took a tour around an english heritage site which was for free as they are doing some free tour weekend thing.

Then brought Stealth's friend home to play.

Having issues with myself over this fumbling excuse of a friendship with someone.... are we still in nursery cos it feels like it!!

Fook fook fookety fook.

I am bored with myself and how freaking boring I have become.

And did I mention how bored I am with Pokemon, Stealth is so into Pokemon it is bordering on marriage between him and the little ol' anime. If I hear any more about the bloody attack/defence/whatever of his certain pokemon....... actually I just switch off and make those grunting noises that mean I'm listening.

Also i think he's on his way for chicken pox. And there we were hoping he'd managed to outrun it whenever CK breathed out noxious pox ridden breath.


But did have weird dream about being on the Caymen Island and having to outrun a storm - was very invigorating. And I smoked again - it was really strange to smoke in my dream. And then it tagged on into some bizarre camping with posh people bit. Obviously I didn't camp- I stayed in the house.
Dreams weird me out just a little bit.

Then there's my best friend who is having a crap time work wise. She's just spent the last I don't know how long qualifying to become a solicitor, studying part time whilst working and having a family. The company who is supposed to take her on after qualifying just hasn't got the money to do it what with recession looming and now she's having to go back to her old job that she hated. Love her hug her squeeze her.

Hmm, not a brilliant weekend all in all.

My House

My House...
1. Bugs me
2. Is so fooking dusty I need to don a surgical mask if I don't want to bring up a lung.
3. Home to my family and pets.
4. In desperate need of paint.
5. Available for curry tonight.
6. Has too many unfinished things in it.
7. Boring.


Hmmm, is this my house I am talking about or just me??? Apart from the dusty bit.


So it's been a couple of months since I came off my meds AND finally I am shifting a few lbs!! woohoo. My Dr actually told me that these meds I've been on for like 13 yrs are a major source of weight gain and considering the kasquillion lbs I've put on in the past decade I have to agree with her! Now I'm not one of those people who blame it on genetics.. there are times when I curl up in food as a comfort blanket and don't come out til I've eaten my own body weight in whatever is handy (even lettuce which is not as satisfying as it sounds) but in general my teenage daughter CK eats more than I do. REALLY! Go ask her, or my bloke. It's true she eats more than me and Stealth put together sometimes. But she isn't a big gurly where as I am.
Fortunately sans meds I think a diet is actually gonna work. Every attempt in the past has been fruitless due to stoopid meds BUT now without even trying a few lbs have fallen off. I can actually remember what it was like to not have fatness issues.

I am so fed up of being judged just cos I am on the large side. I think I'm quite a cool person. Sleep with me first cos I'm a tiger in bed then you can judge me. Just don't make assumptions about me cos I'm big. Unless you are judging me to be a very cool gurly with awesome lady lumps who is fantastic in the bedroom (ask my bloke - he'll agree) who just happens to find life WEIRD. I mean - that'd be a pretty accurate judgement. I love to laugh and be amazed. I love people watching. Martial arts movies are pretty cool and obviously I'd like super powers but who wouldn't.

Ho hum, off to finish something for once - does hanging the washing out count????

Forgot to mention

So we were standing at the customer services desk in the local supermarket, waiting for Stealths birthday present. My bloke had been taking the piss (as I'm sure that when the kids finally start university all I'll be good for is working on the tills in the local tesco's) cos I'd said the serve yourself bit was complicated - which it was when you had coupons ffs!! Anyhoo, there we were, stood at cust services with me planning my sarcy get you back comment. All I could bloody think of was his nostril hairs as they were all tickling his top lip and waving hello to me in the gentle air conditioned breeze- so top of my voice I say " yeah well your nose hairs need cutting skanky man...... Just then an assistant walks up behind the counter to the exact spot we were at and picks up the phone that had been laying on the side and says "Sorry for taking so long but sorry madam we haven't any in stock".

Ha lmao funny, I'd love to know who had listened in on my get you back (although very lame) comment.... Hope it made her day.

Some serious ass action

Well it was acupuncture day yesterday - normally a pleasure but yesterdays was a tad weird.... The acupuncture was as normal BUT the chi massage afterwards took me to places I've never been with a Chinese Dr....
So the massage began - for the 1st time he made me put my head in the massage table head hole (which I can't stand cos my lady lumps are pretty large and awesome and it just plain squishes them if I don't have the pillows). Anyhoo, there he is beating me up big time (which i love - I have been known to pass his office and say out loud that I want to get nekkie and go get slapped about a bit) when normally he just heads on down after doing my back to start on my legs BUT this time he stops at my butt and starts pumelling away then there was some more gentle movement......

Hmmm, butt action was not what I was expecting!!! I mean it did make me feel like a side of Kobe beef- in a good way.

I am still in shock about this, definitely unexpected. I wonder if my ass will get massaged next time??

Was googling Iaido yesterday and found a link to Indian Club Swingers.... so there I was thinking about open minded Asians ( remember I'm married to an indian bloke..) and thought it might be funny to have a look. Call me kinky.
It was for bloody people who swing indian clubs... like those juggling clubs but heavier. And people swing them for a laugh- weirdos.

Bunch of retards. And to make it worse I find out my brother made their website.


Magic Man is round with Stealth as I type, lovin' how well Stealth responds to him. Magic Man Steve probably doesn't realise how much of a positive impact he's having on the boy child. Stealth has started taking life a little less seriously due to having a little comedy time once a week. Is all good.

Post party blues

So anyways, the party went much better than I expected considering pox, nobby restaurants, 2 revolting teen girls who were like some 666 spawn...

I didn't even have a dirty great big hangover so mucho biggo bonus there! Infact I slept in the next morning cos there were no pooches downstairs to wake us up.

All in all- awesome..

Have acupuntcture and chi massage later so no doubt that'll get a mention tomorrow.

Also I want to know why my best blogs are always stuck in my head until the very moment I sit down and sign in?? Then everything in my brain turns to vomitty poo and I am soo boring. Is this common? Do I have common bloggers block?

And also why is it still bloody freaking raining?? More water - I ask you!

Drawing in...

Hmm, the year feels like it is drawing in and getting itself ready to rest. This I would not mind but ffs it's only September! Or maybe it's just me that is imprinting myself on the worlds emotions as I really feel like curling up into a ball and hibernating. Maybe it's just the after effects of the kids party, which went really well btw. Apart from a couple of nobby girls who won't be welcome here again.


Am looking forward to Mabon and Halloween at the mo as I'm feeling a need to be close to my chosen path.

Enjoying magic man and the effect he has on Cam. Also he's good for a laugh.

Bloke back at work tomorrow. Dogs back from kennels tomorrow. Boo hiss.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

Blah, it's Stealth and CK's birthdays party tomorrow.. I'm soo not up for it. The food thing has gone horribly wrong, our usual, gorgeous food restaurant doesn't open in time and it seems that our valued custom means jack shit really. Nobs. I mean,couldn't they make some food early for us, it's not like we haven't spent thousands over the years at their nobby restaurant. Cocks.

So looks like its just gonna be pizza all round. I feel a bit like legging it and coming home in about 4 yrs. And it's forecast rain, what am I meant to do with 15 teens if I can't chuck 'em outside.

Crappy crappy do.

Will report more later.

Ode to the bitch

Well, it is a little/huge known fact that I don't get on with she who bore me, she is in fact a raging alcoholic who has made a mockery of what normal people call pissed up and taken it to a whole new level..... She is also a real bitch, who is selfish to the core and has no thought or respect for anyone at all.

The list of downright nasty things she's done is endless. The way she treats my Dad is disgusting. And after alienating me with some choice comments about Stealth who is after all a kid with medical issues she has I think, finally fooked my brother off!

It pleases me just a likkle, itty bit that he's fooked off with her cos it means that he's no longer "on her side".....


So ha, I win!!

Spox

Go figure with CK getting the spox, still can't believe it!! So we are still trying to work out if we should be having the kids birthday party or not, Ck will prob be ok and not contagious by then but is quite self conscious about the amount of spox on her face... bless her- she is coping like a proper trooper/land girl.


Stealth has stepped up as a brilliant number 1 child and is being a treasure around the house and well, just good company really. Although he has an unhealthy obsession with the new stairs carpet we had fitted yesterday. He spent ages rolling about on it going " oo we've got carpet" * rolls about on it* "oo I can't believe we've got carpet - I'm going to bring the Wii up here and live on this carpet" *rolls some more*

Then knowing his germ phobia and the spox situation my bruv gave me some latex gloves to give him -- so I hold 'em open for him to stick his hands in and was greeted by " oh I think this might just be one of the best days of my life"

So carpet and latex gloves have sent him into a frenzy of happiness.... I'm just grateful he's got an autistic disorder as otherwise he'd prob just be a freak!!!!

One of the homeschooling blogs I read has just sent their 3 sprogs to school for 1st time today. Hmm, I'm undecided on how I feel about that as I sometimes think school would be a place where CK an Stealth could be educated but I think schools are horrible places and this, so far outweighs the education side of it. Plus they'd beat the crap out of Stealth as he is so obviously different in many ways.

Right, gonna check out CK and assess spox situation with regards party central...

A whole week!!

Bloody 'ell, you can tell my bloke has been off work as I've just realised I ain't blogged for a whole week! Hmm, most of the week has been spent on housey stuff as we're having new flooring in hallway and stairs and apparently everything in the whole freaking house needed painting before stuff arrives. Capoeira Kid had a birthday which was a bit low key due to party being next weekend ( hopefully...) and then CK also decided to get the chicken spox - bloody 14 yrs old and with spox! Would you adam n eve it??? Here's hoping the spox are all scabbed over and she ain't contagious by the time part central arrives.

Bloke is fine, we are actually getting along now that he is home for more than a nano second, one might even say there was love in the air!!!

Stealth - is fine but tad nervous bout getting the spox.

Also for a joint birthday pressie we got them a Wii which has gone down well.

Mmm - lame blog with no funny undertones and crap writing. Sorry guys....

Round-up

So, what's been happening this week in crazy Crapsville??? Counting down work shirts til my beloveds fortnight off from work... Do americans say fortnight or do they have another word for 2 weekly?? Working out if I'm actually friends with a person who I really like or if I'm just a tax deductible, ordered some chocs *sigh* , started going back to acupuncture due to my anxiety levels slowly rising, paid some bills blah, blah. God I am sooo boring and lame and more boring.

In my fantasy land I spent a couple of mornings slurping latte's whilst wandering round museums before heading off to a lively brunch with friends *to whom I'm not tax deductible*, created some stunning pieces of journaling and art, made at least 3 contributions to world history and solved some difficult scientific problems for NASA..

The second one makes me sound much more impressive.

So does this person like me too?? Grrrr, I just happen to want to be around Len a lot at the mo, I enjoy their company and they seem to enjoy mine and I think we were probably Bob Hope and Bing Crosby in a former life on the Road to Rio. I just want to sit and listen to this person chat cos I think it's restoring my faith in human nature. Grr, don't know whether to wrestle or kiss this person.

Men, how to please a woman

MEN!! How To Please A Woman


It's not difficult to please a woman.

A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, HE MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little himself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes



HOW TO PLEASE A MAN:

1. Show up naked.
2. Bring food and Beer.

Stoopid Tuesday

Ah, I think that coming off my meds is not an easy choice, an easy choice would be going back on them. Am feeling blah but the tears, god I can cry for crapsville and any neighbouring counties... Really. I got up this morning and went downstairs and within minutes I was in tears, not gently rolly down your face ones but huge, sobbing, face looking like a screwed up garbage can kinda crying. Is this the anxiety coming back?? Stumped if I know.
Hmmm not happy about these developements. I wish you would tell me whether to stick it out or go back on the meds.. grrr
Most of being off them is brill, but a few things are back and its unnerving. Help.

Ooo er missis

Well, kinky as it sounds I have been branded a blog skimmer. Tbh it's a fairly accurate way of describing my blog reading capacities!!
But its just sounds soo filthy and I am really pleased with it... I'm a filthy, naughty blog skimmer now spank me baby!

Texting

Hmm, texting loads today, to my bloke, CK, bestest friend and also to Len

Did some more work on Tanks birthday gift and to say it's the 1st time I've worked on canvas it's going ok.

Watched So I married An Axe Murderer and laughed so hard a little bit of wee came out. I think if I wasn't married to my bloke Mike Myers might be in with a chance.

Hoo ha

Hmm, today I will have been married in the eyes of all things Hindu for 15 yrs. Wow. That's a long time innit?? I'm sure most people of my age were off chasing the world when they were 20 but all I wanted to do was marry the bloke my heart belonged (still does..) to.
We have had a lot of ups with considerably more downs but hoo ha we are still here which I think is a testament to just how british he is and how indian I am lol! Remember I'm the white one and he's the asian..

Capoeira kid has gone off to park to meet up with girly friends to do some dancing and Stealth is sat in living room watching tv in his p jimmies. I wonder what the day is going to bring?

Boo hiss

So I started the day well, every intention of me and capoeira kid not butting heads today but by 1pm that was it - like some Calamity Jane song, heads butt away heads butt away heads butt away... And d'ya know what?? I haven't gotta clue what it was about,all I know is I was cleaning the cooker and CK was in the kitchen and then metaphorically speaking we were hurtling towards each other at warp speed ready to butt noggings. Ahhh I could freaking scream.
So no doubt I'll be on CK's blog tomorrow as the worst possible mother...

If I could I would be on a plane to Canada right now.

10 things you don't know about me

1. I'd lurve for the entire world to call me Jobee but I think it sounds too babyish.
2. People watching is one of my very favourite hobbies - it's bloody brilliant and if you know your body language then it can be veeeery interesting!!
3. My inside image doesn't match my outside one - I SHOULD be skinny with long gorgeous chocolatey coloured hair who catches the eye of everyone I meet regardless of age, race or sex. I AM sorta average, fat and invisible!
4.If I walk under a street sign I am convinced it is going to drop on me, slicing me in half Final Destination style *shudder*.
5.When people text me it makes me feel super special like I've got a secret buddy that no one knows about.
6. I wish I had enough guts/ weight loss to do Iaido instead of just dreaming about it.
7. I've conditioned myself to fall asleep to Scooby doo movies, not stoopid Freddie Prinze Jnr tat but good ol' fashioned animated Scoobs. So every night I stick a dvd on and approach sleepy nod off land whilst listening to Shaggy ( oo er missis)
8. I wish I still smoked cos then I wouldn't be so fat.
9. My memory skills should have a movie made about them or at least a small village named after them as I have a near photographic memory and with a bit o' work it'd probably definitely be photographic but I'm too lazy with the work bit....
10.I'm always getting crushes on people I know cos I want to have their looks/skills/talents/bank balances/confidence.

Forgot to mention..

Can't stop thinking about cake!!

Long, long time

It's been nearly 19 yrs since I met him, 14 of those have been "with sprogs". 5 yrs as a couple just doesn't seem enough somehow?? I want to be thin and gorgeous and tempt him upstairs at the end of a long day by fluttering my eyelashes and dropping random items of clothes on the stairs whilst giggling like a naughty schoolgirl...

We should be travelling the world having loads of wonderful, daring experiences involving yaks and close encounters with local tribes as we skinny dip (remember I'd be thin obviously) in some beautiful tropical waters.

Instead, we have facebook fandango's ( see previous posts..) and conversations about schooling and what's for dinner.

FFS I am only 35. 30 bloody 5!!!!!

FREAKING CRAZY if you ask me. Please sir, can i have some excitement please.....